never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
40s are totally the cure
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
