it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
