I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
