and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
