eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
