Don't you send me to vm
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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