If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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