Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
