I cockslap morals
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
