It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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