I must be too annoying 4 u.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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