i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
