I want to make a zoo with you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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