if i can run in heels then i can drive
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
