And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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