I think my fart just growled at me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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