Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
