is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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