I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
