If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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