porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
