roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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