Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
