Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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