Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
