just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
