a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
