we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
