Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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