I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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