Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize