The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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