nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
