so that wasnt chicken after all
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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