Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
