I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
