Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
MIDGETS
????
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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