I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
