did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
