I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
