I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
