She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
