Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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