My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
