I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
