My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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