Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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