You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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