took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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