either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
