Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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