It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
