Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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