OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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