Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
