3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
