Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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