omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
