Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize