I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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