I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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