Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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