I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize