I only kidnapped one of them. chill
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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