i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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