My nipple is on Facebook.
Yo dont text me then not text me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
