shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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