you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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